Sunday, December 11, 2011

I think I've figured a part of this out

So, its two weeks out until Christmas. I have two Christmas things up in my home. The tree is up, yet not decorated, and I put out some awesome potpourri with the "scent of Christmas" on it, in my entry way. I'm just not feeling it. I wasnt sure what was going on. I knew I'd have a great week with Jack while his parents are in Hawaii, and I didnt want to put too much pressure on myself while he was here to do things just right, but it was more than that. I wasnt even motivated to get things done before the big JC came over. Then I got this poem on an email

I skipped the sales after Thanksgiving. The thrill just wasn't there.
No pictures taken with Santa Claus, My decorating has no flair.
His presents are shoes, shirts, and ties, two suits and fun.
I've bought him all white clothes because... This year I'm giving Christ
my son.
I've spent more time in the temple, my testimony stirred.
I've reread November's Ensign, Felt strength come from His words.
Our family prays more frequently. My tears are quick to run.
Abraham seems closer because, This year I'm giving Christ my son.
I wonder how those Lamanite mothers, gave their sons to war?
Or how the pioneers chose Zion , their sacrifice was so much more.
My loss will be his presence, I'll miss his smile a ton
For two years we will pray for him, I'm giving Christ my son.
I stare at his face when he's not looking. I memorize his eyes, their shine.
He's always hungered for the part of him, that makes his soul divine.
The stories and lessons he always heard, His choice and mine are one.
I'll put my faith in God's hand, This year, I'm giving Him my son.
Past gifts have lost their glitter; I think I finally understand
Christ's birth should be celebrated by giving Him a hand.
It's because I know Christ lives and reigns that all his packing's done.
My gift has taken years to make, This year... I'm giving Christ my son.
I know there's One who understands, the sacrifice I'm making.
Who knows the gift I willingly give, The toll it will be taking.
For He has done it all before Greater love - there could be none.
For years ago God gave to me, His only begotten son.
The hands I washed, the hands I held, The hands I taught to pray;
Now knock on doors to find the ones Who will listen to what he'll say.
Because I know Christ needs him, Until all the gathering's done,
My gift has taken years to make. This year...I'm giving Christ my son.

Having Aubrey out and Joseph on the launching pad this year has had a bigger affect on me than I ever thought it would. It's not that I want them anywhere else, but it certainly throws my groove. All in all its ok, not having the energy? motivation? whatever, to get my stuff up and festive. It is weird though. (AJ would say "weirdy") :)

1 comment:

JessWilson said...

You're an amazing, and strong woman! I got teary eyed thinking of how I'd feel if it was Dylan's time to head out into the mission field. I can't imagine having two gone at the same time. Thank you for sharing. Love you!